SomeoneMovie Review: The Final Destination
December 22nd 2009 11:37
Premise: A group of friends are watching a car race, when one has a vision of a freak accident that results in several cars crashing, destroying part of the stadium and killing a fair chunk of the audience. He leads his group and a few others to safety, avoiding their deaths. However, Death isn't finished with them just yet, and they will have to find a way to save themselves before Death catches up with them.
Now, I liked the first Final Destination. It was a good premise, the deaths were fun and inventive, its was just a good, fun movie. The second one; nothing new, but still a fun ride. To be honest, I didn't bother with the 3rd, but I can imagine it was more of the same and didn't wander hopelessly astray like FD.
To sum it up: This movie is crap. Pure, unadulterated crap. My personal highlight of the movie was getting to see Justin Welborn, who to date I have only seen in excellent low budget flicks (The Signal, The Other Side and Dance of the Dead, if you must know). Seeing him in it gave me hope that this might hopefully not be as bad as I feared.... But it was. Thankfully his character was killed off early, so my memory of him is not tarnished by this attrocity.
Acting: Terrible. Crap. Awful. Insert any expletive you can think of here, trust me, it's applicable.
Script: I suppose by the 4th installment of any series you will have to expect some decline in quality... I mean, who has enough ideas to carry a series that far? But this is just a piss-poor attempt to milk the final drops of money out of a dead franchise.
The thing about a movie series is... you have to obey the rules. If things are a certain way in the first movie, you can't randomly change the rules in the 4th movie without leaving the audience scratching their heads. Well, I was left scratching my head until I drew blood.
******** HERE BE SPOILERS ********
For example: The whole premise of the movie is that Death is trying to wipe these kids out to restore the natural order of things. The kids aren't meant to be alive, and so freak chances will kill them so that life can go on as it was meant to. That's the GOLDEN Final Destination rule. You HAVE to play by that rule, right? WRONG! In this movie, the writers obviously thought 'fuckit, we're sick of having to make sense, so we're just going to ignore the dogma of the last 3 movies and make our own rules!'. In order to kill off the last few kiddies, there's a massive explosion that wipes out half a cinema, and then half a mall, just to nail the kids.
"But wait", I hear you cry. "Those other innocent bystanders weren't meant to die! Death can't kill them without upsetting it's own natural order! That doesn't make any sense!"
That's absolutely correct. However, Mr. Writer Man gets paid regardless of whether he makes sense or not, and obviously making a quality script would have interfered with him snorting coke out of a hooker's ass, so he didn't bother.
More plot holes: Apparently everything in the movie, visions and death-avoidance included, happened so that the final 3 kids could all be sitting in a cafe to get hit by a truck. I say: BALLS! Apparently the writers think they are oh-so-clever because they can insert a final twist into the movie, even though it doesn't make any sense at all.... personally I blame all that coke they've been snorting. It's like an assassin standing over a target, letting him go, and then coming back later and killing him... with absolutely no reason for letting the target go in the first place. Perfectly logical, right?
It gets even friggin' worse. There's a whole scene in a barber shop where there's a loose fan, and a can of hair spray that magically moves into a hot hair straightener. The can explodes, and flies straight into the fan, knocking it off the roof, where it falls... straight at the victim's feet. It's not like Death has bad aim; the victim was sitting in a barbers chair. The victim then gets up and leaves, but gets hit in the eye by a flying rock.
"But that just sounds like the writers were stupid and added the hair spray rocket for no reason at all! Why would they do that!?"
Why, indeed.
Effects & Death Scenes: Always the highlight of FD Movies... these were still disappointing. Very disappointing, actually. The CGI was bad, the props were bad, everything was just bad.
I am sitting here, trying to think of the redeeming qualities of this movie. EVERY movie has a redeeming feature, right? Some are funny, some have some hot sex, some have a memorable death scene... FD4 really has none of the above. There are tits, but only for about 5 seconds. There is death, but the lame effects and predictability make them far from memorable. In fact, the defining quality of FD4 is it's all-around, 10/10, perfect score crappiness.
Stay away from this movie if you value your time, you sanity, or your taste in quality cinema. My first thought when the credits started rolling was... I'm glad I watched a pirated copy and didn't contribute a cent to this abomination. I've wasted my time; please don't waste yours.
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