SomeoneMovie Review: Creepshow 3
July 1st 2009 16:21
First of all: an apology. I have been neglecting my duties as your source of crappy B-grade horror, but I have a fresh batch of (terrible) movies, and as a recent university graduate who has yet to find work, I have a feeling that time to watch them shall not be lacking.
Secondly: Hopefully you have noticed my awesome new title banner, courtesy of my lovely girlfriend. She is incredible, and I think her banner is just excellent.
Now, onto the show!
Creepshow 3 is an anthology comprised of 5 short horror flicks. In the past I have reviewed each segment of anthologies separately, but in this case I will just review the movie as a whole. I have not seen the first 2 Creepshow movies, but given that they are anthologies this isn't important.
Now, I'm no filmmaker, but I think anthologies would be a nightmare to create. Having to create a believable and engaging story in such a short amount of time... no easy task. I have read that the first Creepshow was directed by Romero and written by Stephen King, and I imagine that would be a good anthology. Unfortunately, this one is not.
The stories are just... well.... stupid. Something happens, there's a twist that attempts to be exciting and/or amusing, next story. For example: Serial killer hooker tries to kill a guy, who it turns out is some sort of creature and kills her instead.... Except they draw it out to last 15 mins. And that, I'm sorry to say, is about as interesting as this movie gets. The acting is, overall, pretty terrible. In fact, the only character in the whole movie that I liked was the over-the-top asshole doctor from the last segment, which is kind of paradoxical considering they do everything to try and make you hate him... He did a decent job, but it's more the general crappiness that surrounds him that makes him stand out.
Now, I have to get this out before I scream: how hard is it to write a script in which your characters behave realistically!? The unrealistic actions of the characters in this movie drove me f&%king CRAZY! For example: holy sh!t! A mysterious voice is talking to me out of my radio! I will freak out for exactly 10 seconds, and then proceed to obey the radio-person's commands without any explanation of why it is talking or any reason to trust it... hell, i'll have conversations with it and won't even find it weird! Or better yet... oh my god! My life is going crazy and I suddenly have a grossly deformed foot and hand and face and everyone else in the world has disappeared except for this one guy... so I will follow him into his house, not look for him, and sit down and eat his wedding cake and drink a bottle of booze. Realistic, right?
Say Cheese!
Maybe 2 out of the 5 segments are worth watching. Maybe. The first one is the 4th segment (The Professor's Wife. It's corny, predictable... but strangely amusing. The other is the last segment, Haunted Dog, just to watch the jackass doctor doing his thing and not for any horror value, as the segment is about as scary as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
Overall, give this steaming crap-pile a miss... the watchable segments aren't that great, and aren't nearly enough to save this terrible movie.
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Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
The first Creepshow movie was great fun, I saw it when it was first released, and I've been hanging for a decent DVD of it (the one released is a shitty transfer, and no extras).
The second one utilised one of my favourite Stephen King short stories, The Raft, but overall it wasn't nearly as entertaining as the first movie.
I don't think I'll touch the third with a bargepole.
BTW, your banner is okay, but it's a little hard to read it easily, that Gothic style font is always a difficult one.
Comment by Someone
Evil Pleasures
Random Musings on Life, Love and Everything
Let's Get Down To Business
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by Someone
Evil Pleasures
Random Musings on Life, Love and Everything
Let's Get Down To Business