SomeoneKomodo Vs Cobra
May 24th 2009 21:38
There's something about 'vs'... The way I see it, having it in a title just means that means the movie will be disappointing. Friday the 13th was great, Nightmare on Elm street, great, Freddy vs. Jason... not so great. Alien, awesome, Predator, awesome, Alien vs Predator... not so awesome.
Nah, I'm just yanking your chain. This film is absolute garbage. I'm surprised I found it in the horror section at the video store, really it belongs in comedy.
Premise: A bunch of environmentalists and a news reporter hire a boat to take them to an island, on which a secret U.S. government experiment is experimenting horribly on live animals. Blah, blah, it all goes horribly wrong, people get eaten, etc.
First, the negatives. There are almost too many to list, but I'll give it a go. The acting is absolutely terrible. Normally there is at least one character where you think 'well, everyone else was terrible, but (insert name here) was ok'. Well, good on you KvC, you got the perfect score in the shithouse acting department. Next: the graphics. Awful. Just simply awful. Gore: virtually 0. Plenty of fatalities, but they all miraculously get swallowed whole by the giant baddies, so the gore (and the gore budget) is minimal. Tension/Fear factor: 0. Wait no... -2. I didn't even come close to thinking that I might possibly get scared once in the entire movie. Next... the script. Probably the worst thing about this movie is the script, which really is more hole than substance. It's like swiss cheese, except the holes are bigger and it just ain't nearly as tasty. Next... cliches? Check. The whole movie is just a barrage of recycled crappy cliches. Oh what, a military coverup? What's that? The ex-military gung-ho boat captain? Who woulda thunkit?
The positives? It was funny. Some parts of it were actually really quite funny... but never intentionally. You laugh at just how hard the movie fails, which is basically on all possible levels. And some impossible levels too.
So. If you are after anything resembling a decent movie, well, avoid this. In fact, go buy every copy of this movie that you can find, smash them into little pieces, burn the pieces, and go on a cross-country trip to bury what's left far, far away. If, however, you are looking to laugh at what could possibly be the most badly put together movie I have seen in the last 3-5 years, well, this is for you.
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Comment by Wilson Pon
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