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Picking the rare gems out of a sea of crap.... so you don't have to!

Good Horror - Evil Pleasures

Movie Review: Bordello of Blood

July 18th 2010 10:53


Plot: An overzealous reverend (Chris Sarandon) obtains a mystical artifact that allows him to control the vampire queen, Lilith (Angie Everhart). He uses her to create a bordello full of vampires, with the intention of using them to wipe out all of the towns sinners. Meanwhile, a down-on-his-luck detective, Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) is hired by reverend's assistant Katherine Verdoux (Erika Eleniak) to find her missing brother, Caleb (Corey Feldman). Guttman uncovers the secret behind the bordello, and tries to prove it to the rest of the town before the vampires turn him into lunch.


Bordello is the second part of the Tales from the Crypt trilogy, following 1995's Demon Knight.. Unfortunately, due to it's poor reception at the box office, the third installment was canned. However, after 2001's Ritual also performed poorly, it was retrospectively added to the trilogy.

Now, I loved Demon Knight, and so I had high hopes for this one. Like it's predecessor, I had seen this one way back when I was just a wee lad, and I have fond memories... and, again, it has held up well. It has gore, it has shameless nudity (I mean... it's set in a damn bordello!), and it has some great comedy. However, despite being entertaining, it isn't as good as DK, and it isn't hard to see why it flopped at the box office.

Acting: For the most part, not bad. Dennis Miller has the standout performance as smartass detective Rafe Guttman, a role in which he is cast perfectly. I have a feeling that he improvised alot of his lines (or else the role was written specifically for him), and he is genuinely funny to watch. Also enjoyable to see is Reverend J.C. Current, suitably amen'd
Corey Feldman's feeling a bit heartless
and hallelujah'd by Chris Sarandon. Interestingly, Sarandon played a wicked vamp in Fright Night, so it's nice to see him on the other side of the fangs, so to speak. Also keep and eye out for Whoopi Goldberg, who gets in a 15 second cameo as a hospital patient, and for William Sadler as the Crypt Keeper's not-so-friendly Mummy companion.



The big letdown for me was Angie Everheart as Lilith.
Baby, you can suck more than just my blood
Don't get me wrong, her performance, despite being a bit poor in parts, was ok overall... but what elevated Demon Knight to awesome-status was Billy Zane, and unfortunately Angie just doesn't compare. That being said, it isn't nearly enough to spoil your fun (and she is ridiculously good looking), but she doesn't have that cheesy charm. One genuine criticism I have is that Everheart doesn't get her kit off, but I guess we can't have everything...

Script: Piss-poor. But come on; it's a movie about a bordello full of vampires, and a Tales from the Crypt movie to boot. If you came here expecting a high-quality script, you must be (at least) mildly retarded.

Definitely gonna feel THAT in the morning
Effects: Awesome. Although the CGI looks a bit dated, the creators opted to use prosthetics, and they use that to great effect. Also, there are plenty of hearts being ripped out, heads being torn off, dismemberment, and of course vampires being reduced to heaps off puss, so the gorehounds will not be left wanting.

Overall: This is not a film that takes itself seriously. I mean... how is that possible in a movie in which a detective and a reverent take on a whorehouse full of vampires with supersoakers and water pistols? What it is... is wickedly entertaining. So sit back, crack open a beer with some mates, pass the spliff, and just enjoy.
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Posted By: Someone - Category: Vampire, Good Horror
   


Screamers: The Hunting

October 9th 2009 10:13


Premise: Following on from the original Screamers, a group of army-type people must return to Sirius 6B to investigate a distress beacon. They get there and start dying. cough *Aliens* cough.

To be honest, I haven't seen the original Screamers in many years, but from memory it is one of the most frightening experiences of my life. Well, it might have something to do with the fact that it was one of the first horror movies I ever saw, or the fact I have been intentionally avoiding it for fear of ruining a cherished childhood memory... So, the sequel could not possibly live up to my unreasonable expectations.

Needless to say, it didn't.

However, don't let me put you off. For a straight-to-DVD affair, this movie is surprisingly good.

Acting: While nothing spectacular, is not as abysmal as I expected. Lance Henriksen, always a pleasure to watch, is fun to watch for the 5 minutes he is in the film. No terrible performances come to mind, which is a heck of a lot better than I was expecting.

Effects: The highlight of the movie. The CGI'd screamers leaping out of the ground and getting shot down got a little repetitive in parts, but other than that the CGI was quite good. The best part of the movie though was the make-up, from released entrails to spikes exploding out of chests. There were some deliciously juicy kills, and my thirst for blood was definitely sated.

Script: Easily the worst part of this movie... there was not one single original thought, from start to finish. The Hunting borrows heavily from Aliens, and what it doesn't steal from Cameron it steals from elsewhere. Even the mandatory cliched plot-twist ending is ridiculously predictable, and although I won't reveal it here, you will see it coming from at least half and hour away. And don't even get me started on the plot holes... eugh...

Direction: Even though I haven't seen the original for well over a decade, I can distinctly remember the sense of paranoia that it was soaked in. While not as effective as The Thing (but seriously, what is?), it was good. That entire aspect of the movie is ditched in the sequel, in favour of straight out sci-fi carnage. Think Aliens compared to Alien, just less good (but seriously, what is?).

Overall... really, I might make it sound bad, but this movie is actually pretty damn good for a straight-to-DVD project. Personally, I thought the make-up effects made the movie worth watching, but I'm a sucker for that stuff. If you want mindless futuristic carnage and some excellent gore that requires very little thought, this is the movie for you.
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Posted By: Someone - Category: Creature, Good Horror
   


Movie Review: White Noise 2: The Light

July 4th 2009 03:00


Premise: A seemingly crazed gunman strolls into a crowded diner, and guns down the wife and son of Abe Dale (Nathan Fillion) before saying "I'm so sorry" to Dale and turning the gun on himself. Guilt-ridden, Abe attempts to overdose on painkillers and alcohol, and dies momentarily before being revived in hospital. After his near death experience, Abe finds that he has become a transceiver for paranormal transmissions, and can tell when people are about to die by a mysterious white light. He then attempts to overcome the grief of losing his family by saving others... but soon discovers that saving people is not as simple as it would seem.

I was at the video store, and decided that today was the day... I couldn't resist any longer... and so, giddy with anticipation, I walked over to the TV-on-DVD section, barely able to contain my excitement...

Shock! Horror!

Firefly was nowhere to be found. Confused, angry, I demanded an explanation from the cashier. Alas, someone had beaten me to the proverbial punch, and I wouldn't be able to rent it. Doubly awful, my housemate loves her sci-fi and after seeing Serenity demanded that I watch this series with her... except she left this morning to go home for 3 weeks.

Devastated, I browsed mindlessly through the rest of the videos, my hopes and dreams shattered. Then, out of the corner of my eye... was that my beloved Nathan Fillion I saw? It was! Desperate for a fix of what is fast becoming one of my favourite actors, I rented out The Light. I knew it wouldn't compare to Firefly, but I needed something, anything!

Acting: Nathan Fillion is, as always, a pleasure to watch, and carries the movie. I was also pleasantly surprised to see the gorgeous Katee Sackhoff
Yummy
(Starbuck, if we have any Battlestar Galactica fans out there?) co-starring as Sherry Clarke, a nurse caring for Dale after his overdose, whom he saves from a murderous abductor. Both put in good performances, and are enjoyable to watch.

Script: The first half is definitely stronger than the second. It was straightforward, if a little predictable. The romance between Fillion and Sackhoff can be seen coming from a mile off, but both are good performers and help convey the story of two people who have loved and lost finding hope within each other. The twist concerning the gunman is also relatively predictable, but I suppose that could just be because I watch far too many movies.

However, after Fillion begins investigating the Gunman's past, the script kind of falls apart. The writers kind of decide that they want to have a semi-plausible explanation for what occurs, but half-way through decide that they've had enough and stop. What we are left with is mess of theology and action. Don't get me wrong, the idea is kind of cool, but if you have a supernatural-based movie, you either explain it or you don't, and half-hearted explanations often overshadow an otherwise good movie. For example... Transformers 2 and that stupid, stupid dream sequence.... Anyway, I'm going to spoil the movie here, so...

Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert!

After investigating the gunman, Fillion discovers that he is in fact still alive. He visits him in hospital to find him driven insane by the ghosts of the dead. Apparently, if you save people, the ghosts of the dead haunt you... and after 3 days, the people you saved get possessed (or something like that) by the devil and commit mass homicide... and that's about as full an explanation as you get. Bit of a lame duck, right? The rest of the movie after that involves Fillion running around trying to stop the people he saved from going all Linda Blair and killing everyone. Other than the half-hearted explanation, the script is ok, and despite my qualms with it, the plot holes and lame explanations are not enough to spoil the movie.

Effects: What you would expect from a medium-to-high budget affair like this. It's a ghost movie, so don't expect any gore... but plenty of flickering lights, TV static, and a few BOO! moments.

Direction: Not great, but not terrible either. We get a few hits of tension, but nothing that will have you clinging to a loved one.

Now, I haven't seen the first White Noise, but from what I have read it's plot has very little to do with this sequel... and I really do respect that. Much like how Aliens departed from Alien, I have great respect for sequels that attempt to cover new ground using the same franchise, as this one does. Yes, it is not a perfect movie, and some parts of it were a little bit offputting/lame... but overall, worth watching, even if it's just to tie you over until you can rent out Firefly


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Posted By: Someone - Category: Ghost, Good Horror
   


Deep Rising

June 10th 2009 01:39


Premise: A captain and crew are hired for a no-questions-asked mission by a group of mean looking mercenaries, which it turns out are heading out to rob the most expensive cruise liner ever built. When they get there, however, the crew and passengers are all missing, and blood is everywhere. They then get attacked by monster, try to escape, yadda yadda yadda... it isn't exactly the most original storyline in the world


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Posted By: Someone - Category: Creature, Good Horror
   


Altered

May 3rd 2009 06:09


I seem to be on a streak of picking decent horror movies, which is a change for me


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The Blockbuster Challenge, and Severed

May 2nd 2009 04:37
I was a blockbuster near my house the other day, looking for a decent horror to watch, and I realized that I had seen a fair chunk of the horror section. Not quite half, but a decent proportion.

So, it got me thinking. And from that thinking came a challenge. I will not rest, I will not eat or sleep or even breathe, until I have watched every movie that the blockbuster horror dept. can throw at me


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Posted By: Someone - Category: Zombie, Good Horror
   


The Other Side

April 15th 2009 15:45
I love low budget horror movies. Love them to bits I tells ya. However, contrary to popular belief, I don't think they are good movies. They appeal to me, but not in the same way as a good movie appeals to me (if that makes any sense).

That being said, once in a while you get a pleasant surprise. A gem in the rough, so to speak. This movie is one of them


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Posted By: Someone - Category: Demons, Good Horror
   




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