SomeoneDying God
June 2nd 2009 14:27
Premise: Some kind of god/demon-type creature is dying, and for some reason this makes it necessary to rape anything that comes nearby. Not in a figurative sense, literally. Because, you know, what better than a little cancer to bring out the nympho in you.
Anyways, James Horan plays a corrupt cop who ends up confronting the creature.
Now, I thought this movie had a lot of potential because, and I mean seriously, how creepy is the idea of a rape monster. Horror fans have been desensitized alot of late. The rending of flesh and bone is now common fare, and sins of a more carnal nature are almost required inputs into alot of the trash that comes out of Hollywood. However, rape is still that sensitive little area that few have dared to venture into. Scenes of rape are striking, shocking, appalling, all of the things you associate with good horror, so the idea of a rape-monster makes my horror-senses tingle.
That feeling, unfortunately, quickly turned to nausea. That I had any expectations at all of this movie is a testament to the sheer possibilities offered by a rape monster. I can't help but think of the possible outcome had a competent team been behind this project. However, these musings are relegated to the realm of conjecture: Dying God is total garbage. 100% unforgivable. Even worse, considering how good it could have been.
I don't have the patience to go through everything that's wrong with this movie, so I'll stick to the main points.
Firstly: The script. You know how some scripts start out well enough, but then quickly turn to absurd or corny... well, Dying God's starts bad, gets worse, and then (just to be different) stays awful. The movie starts with a young indian boy being hunted by white guys with guns... for absolutely no reason. The kid is in the movie, sure, but that scene had nothing to do with the movie at all. Apparently the monster's huge penis rips a hole in women, except for fertile women. Because, you know, fertile women (just like Wolverine) have adamantium-plated vaginas. Oh yeah, and the monster is strong enough to (unconvincingly) swipe a guys head off in one hit, but can't overpower James Horan? Literally, they have a struggling match, and the cop wins. Over the creature. How incredibly lame is that? Or my personal favourite... the cops see the creature giving a forced abortion to a pregnant lady (by tearing the baby out)... they then shoot the creature, and (for no reason at all) take out the baby. A social critique of police brutality? I highly doubt it.
Nest: The acting. On this note, WHY LANCE HENRIKSEN, WHY MUST YOU FOOL ME SO!?
Yes, Ed Harly, my main man Bishop himself... and Lance is always fine to watch. Lance Henrisksen is the sole reason I watched this movie. I figured it couldn't be that bad if he was in it, right?
Well, fuck you Lance Henriksen, fuck you right in the eye.
Mr. Henriksen led me astray. Although, as always, I cannot fault him... the rest of the cast should be ashamed of themselves. Every other character is, without fail, unconvincing. Well, ok, there is one relatively attractive girl who's ok, but she's a mute so that goes without saying. Worst among them is Horan, who tries, and fails. Coupling Horan and this script is like seeing an unstoppable force of failure meeting an immovable object of crappiness... truly a spectacle to behold.
Discussing these points in detail is making me angry, so i'll just skim over the rest.
The film quality? Appaling. I wouldn't be surprised if it was shot on a digi-cam. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure it was.
Nudity? For a movie about a rape-monster, next to none. Maybe one boob in there somewhere. Disappointing to say the least.
Fear? 0.
Creature effects: Woefully bad. After seeing the monster, my first thoughts should have been 'oh FUCK' or 'jesus, what is that?'. Instead, I got 'Wow. They really want us to believe that's a monster?'. I think that sums it up.
Shock value? 0. Tries to pass off holding a handful of raw meat as gore effects. Maybe one exploding head, and one exploding baby. Not very impressive. Especially disappointing given the taboo surrounding rape and what could have been done with it.... but I suppose it's hard to get raped by an extremely unconvincing monster.
Well, that's all folks. Avoid this one. Do not be drawn like moths to the flame of Lance Henriksen! Avoid it like you owe it money!
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Comment by Cliff Daigle
Midnight Movie Screenings
Horror Movie News
I was ready to watch this based on Henricksen's appearance. Glad I read this first. Very disappointing.
Nice review. Thanks!