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Picking the rare gems out of a sea of crap.... so you don't have to!

Evil Pleasures - July 2010

Movie Review: Bordello of Blood

July 18th 2010 10:53


Plot: An overzealous reverend (Chris Sarandon) obtains a mystical artifact that allows him to control the vampire queen, Lilith (Angie Everhart). He uses her to create a bordello full of vampires, with the intention of using them to wipe out all of the towns sinners. Meanwhile, a down-on-his-luck detective, Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) is hired by reverend's assistant Katherine Verdoux (Erika Eleniak) to find her missing brother, Caleb (Corey Feldman). Guttman uncovers the secret behind the bordello, and tries to prove it to the rest of the town before the vampires turn him into lunch.


Bordello is the second part of the Tales from the Crypt trilogy, following 1995's Demon Knight.. Unfortunately, due to it's poor reception at the box office, the third installment was canned. However, after 2001's Ritual also performed poorly, it was retrospectively added to the trilogy.

Now, I loved Demon Knight, and so I had high hopes for this one. Like it's predecessor, I had seen this one way back when I was just a wee lad, and I have fond memories... and, again, it has held up well. It has gore, it has shameless nudity (I mean... it's set in a damn bordello!), and it has some great comedy. However, despite being entertaining, it isn't as good as DK, and it isn't hard to see why it flopped at the box office.

Acting: For the most part, not bad. Dennis Miller has the standout performance as smartass detective Rafe Guttman, a role in which he is cast perfectly. I have a feeling that he improvised alot of his lines (or else the role was written specifically for him), and he is genuinely funny to watch. Also enjoyable to see is Reverend J.C. Current, suitably amen'd
Corey Feldman's feeling a bit heartless
and hallelujah'd by Chris Sarandon. Interestingly, Sarandon played a wicked vamp in Fright Night, so it's nice to see him on the other side of the fangs, so to speak. Also keep and eye out for Whoopi Goldberg, who gets in a 15 second cameo as a hospital patient, and for William Sadler as the Crypt Keeper's not-so-friendly Mummy companion.



The big letdown for me was Angie Everheart as Lilith.
Baby, you can suck more than just my blood
Don't get me wrong, her performance, despite being a bit poor in parts, was ok overall... but what elevated Demon Knight to awesome-status was Billy Zane, and unfortunately Angie just doesn't compare. That being said, it isn't nearly enough to spoil your fun (and she is ridiculously good looking), but she doesn't have that cheesy charm. One genuine criticism I have is that Everheart doesn't get her kit off, but I guess we can't have everything...

Script: Piss-poor. But come on; it's a movie about a bordello full of vampires, and a Tales from the Crypt movie to boot. If you came here expecting a high-quality script, you must be (at least) mildly retarded.

Definitely gonna feel THAT in the morning
Effects: Awesome. Although the CGI looks a bit dated, the creators opted to use prosthetics, and they use that to great effect. Also, there are plenty of hearts being ripped out, heads being torn off, dismemberment, and of course vampires being reduced to heaps off puss, so the gorehounds will not be left wanting.

Overall: This is not a film that takes itself seriously. I mean... how is that possible in a movie in which a detective and a reverent take on a whorehouse full of vampires with supersoakers and water pistols? What it is... is wickedly entertaining. So sit back, crack open a beer with some mates, pass the spliff, and just enjoy.
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Movie Review: Demon Knight

July 12th 2010 11:14


Plot: A man (William Sadler) is protecting a mystical key, while being hunted by a demon (Billy Zane).

Demon Knight holds a special place in my heart. I remember when I first saw it, sometime in the mid-late 90's, and it scared the crap out of me. As such, I was pretty hesitant to come back to it, seeing as how poorly my other childhood memories had held up to modern scrutiny (case in point: Lost in Space... god that was a shocker). However, I am happy to report that Demon Knight is still a bitchin' movie.

Hi there. Give me your soul, please.
It centres on the story of Frank Brayker (Sadler), a mysterious loner on the run from the cops, and more importantly on the run from a powerful demon called The Collector (Billy Zane). After his car is destroyed, Brayker takes refuge at a hotel, but is soon discovered by the town sheriff, accompanied by the Collector. Realizing that his subterfuge will not secure the key, the Collector kills the sheriff, and then lays siege to the hotel in an attempt to kill (or seduce) it's occupants and obtain the key.

Acting: The cast contains some big-name actors, including Jada Pinkett-Smith (although it was just Pinkett at the time), Dick Miller
Maybe damnation isn't so bad after all
and Thomas Haden Church, as well as the two leads. However, it is Zane who steals the show with his suave portrayal. The Collector not only tries to kill everyone, but also tries to tempt them into surrendering their souls, using their deepest desires against them, and Zane's... well, haminess, is just cast perfectly in this role. Sadler and the rest of the supporting characters offer solid performances, but you will have eyes only for Zane.

Effects: Being made in the 90's, the CGI looks very dated
All right Mr. De Mille, I'm ready for my close-up
. Thankfully it's use is kept to a bare minimum, and the vast majority is done with some awesome make-up effects. The Collector's demon henchmen look suitably hiddeous, but it is the posessed humans that look truely horrendous. While the prosthetics aren't groundbreaking, they are more than enough to disgust and entertain.

Script: Probably the weakest part of the movie... but then again, it is a Tales From The Crypt movie, complete with intro and epilogue from the Crypt Keeper himself. There are a few plot holes, and some of the dialogue is a little cheesy, but it shouldn't be anywhere near enough to put you off seeing the movie.

Overall, crap CGI aside, this movie has aged well. A dramatic classic it surely ain't, but if you're in the mood for a bit of fun, then this should be right up your alley.


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