Someone2009: The Worst of the Worst
January 1st 2010 01:46
Well, it seems the 'Best of 2009' posts are a dime-a-dozen these days, so with that in mind I present to you the Evil Pleasures God-Awful Craptacular '09!
In order to make it on to this prestigous and exclusive list, a movie must be so terrible, so despicable, so ... awful, that it makes your eyes hurt and your nose bleed, and just watching it is enough to drain both your intelligence and your will to live.
I'm not limiting this list to movies released in '09, oh no. This is movies that I have watched this year, some new releases, so old 'classics'. Don't like it? I don't care.
Let's get the ball rolling with The Final Destination. My, what a fucking disaster this one was. Poor acting, lame effects, and a plot with more holes than the PGA circuit. Congratulations, fucknuts, you ruined a decent franchise. Then again, didn't we all see that coming?
Speaking of franchises that should have been laid to rest, I'm going to include Saw VI on the list, even though I haven't seen it. I don't have to see it: Some people get killed gruesomely, the plot is pathetic, and there's some lame twist half-heartedly thrown in at the end. And before you ask... yes, I know what I'm saying is freakishly accurate, and yes I am a little bit of a psychic.
It seems that the worst movies this year are all the franchises. From continuations that should never have happened, we move on to the other, evil-er side of the franchise demon: Reboots. Yes, I am talking about the Friday the 13th remake, although I wish I wasn't. Jason Voorhees is arguably one of, nay, THE greatest horror villain of all time. And before all you Freddy Krueger fan-boys start your girly high pitched whining, I'm going to cut your right off: Freddy has big metal fingernails. Oooooh, scary.
Back to the movie: Don't watch it. Don't let your friends watch it. Go and watch the original, or any of the original series. Even Freddy Vs Jason was better than this piece of trash. Just... abysmal.
I'm going to take a short break from the general trashiness. I must give a shoutout to Rob Zombie, and the work he has done on Halloween. It took watching Friday the 13th to realize just how completely Zombie could have fucked up, and my respect for him for not doing so is steadily increasing.
Having watched Halloween 2 recently, I am actually quite impressed with Zombie's work. Forget the fact that it's a Halloween movie, ignore just how far off the reservation he goes and how much he deviates from the original storyline, and you have a pretty damn entertaining horror romp, with some truly cringe-worthy kills and some gnarly effects.
Yes, I have issues with what he's done to the storyline. I would enjoy these movies alot more if they used the same story with different characters... but they're still decent movies.
Anyway, thinking of all these crap movies is making my head hurt. I'll come back to this later.
In order to make it on to this prestigous and exclusive list, a movie must be so terrible, so despicable, so ... awful, that it makes your eyes hurt and your nose bleed, and just watching it is enough to drain both your intelligence and your will to live.
I'm not limiting this list to movies released in '09, oh no. This is movies that I have watched this year, some new releases, so old 'classics'. Don't like it? I don't care.
Let's get the ball rolling with The Final Destination. My, what a fucking disaster this one was. Poor acting, lame effects, and a plot with more holes than the PGA circuit. Congratulations, fucknuts, you ruined a decent franchise. Then again, didn't we all see that coming?
Speaking of franchises that should have been laid to rest, I'm going to include Saw VI on the list, even though I haven't seen it. I don't have to see it: Some people get killed gruesomely, the plot is pathetic, and there's some lame twist half-heartedly thrown in at the end. And before you ask... yes, I know what I'm saying is freakishly accurate, and yes I am a little bit of a psychic.
It seems that the worst movies this year are all the franchises. From continuations that should never have happened, we move on to the other, evil-er side of the franchise demon: Reboots. Yes, I am talking about the Friday the 13th remake, although I wish I wasn't. Jason Voorhees is arguably one of, nay, THE greatest horror villain of all time. And before all you Freddy Krueger fan-boys start your girly high pitched whining, I'm going to cut your right off: Freddy has big metal fingernails. Oooooh, scary.
Back to the movie: Don't watch it. Don't let your friends watch it. Go and watch the original, or any of the original series. Even Freddy Vs Jason was better than this piece of trash. Just... abysmal.
I'm going to take a short break from the general trashiness. I must give a shoutout to Rob Zombie, and the work he has done on Halloween. It took watching Friday the 13th to realize just how completely Zombie could have fucked up, and my respect for him for not doing so is steadily increasing.
Having watched Halloween 2 recently, I am actually quite impressed with Zombie's work. Forget the fact that it's a Halloween movie, ignore just how far off the reservation he goes and how much he deviates from the original storyline, and you have a pretty damn entertaining horror romp, with some truly cringe-worthy kills and some gnarly effects.
Yes, I have issues with what he's done to the storyline. I would enjoy these movies alot more if they used the same story with different characters... but they're still decent movies.
Anyway, thinking of all these crap movies is making my head hurt. I'll come back to this later.
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